Many young children cry or cling when a parent leaves, especially between about 8 months and 3 years, and again when starting preschool or school. This is a normal sign of a strong bond, not a sign that something is wrong.
Before the first day
- Visit together if possible, and talk about what happens there: playing, eating, going home.
- Practise short separations with a trusted relative, so your child learns that you come back.
- Read or tell stories about starting school.
- Adjust sleep and waking times a week or two before school starts.
A good goodbye
- Keep it short and the same each time. A hug, a special phrase, a wave. Long, drawn-out goodbyes usually increase distress.
- Do not sneak away. It may avoid tears today, but it can make a child more anxious and watchful tomorrow.
- Say when you will return in terms your child understands: “after lunch” rather than “at one o’clock”.
- Stay calm and confident. Children read adults’ faces. If you look worried, they assume there is something to worry about.
- Arrive on time for pickup, especially in the first weeks.
After school
Tiredness, clinginess or irritability after the first days is common. A predictable evening, a snack and some quiet time together help. Ask simple questions like “Who did you play with?” rather than “Did you cry?”
When to ask for advice
Most children settle within a few weeks. Speak with the teacher and a doctor or child psychologist if distress is intense and not easing after several weeks, if your child refuses to go at all, has frequent stomach aches or headaches before school, or if fears are spreading to other parts of daily life.
Sources and further reading
- American Academy of Pediatrics — HealthyChildren.org: separation anxiety
- UNICEF — Parenting: starting school